Brilliant
by RMBlythe
Summary: He returned for his last year at Hogwarts after the war because that's what he thought she would have wanted. But the familiar halls hold memories that haunt him in his waking hours, and nightmares of her dying in his arms plague his dreams. He doesn't know how to be without Hermione. There was never supposed to be life without Hermione. (Short AU)


**_First adventure into the Harry Potter fandom... I think. I'm like 99.9% sure I don't have one on here. Honestly it's been a while and I've lost track of what I've posted. Anyway, please enjoy and review if so inclined. I (quite obviously) don't own Harry Potter or any part of it. Also, if you are a Harry Potter purist, you will probably not enjoy this. It's definitely AU. Review if you are so inclined. Cheers!_**

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 ** _"The deluminator. It doesn't just turn off lights. I don't know how it works but Christmas morning, I was sleeping in this little pub, keeping away from some Snatchers, and I heard it. A voice. Your voice, Hermione. You said my name. Just my name. Like a whisper. So I took it, clicked it and this tiny ball of light appeared. And I knew. It flew towards me, the ball of light, right through my chest and straight through me. Right here. And I knew it was going to take me where I needed to go."_**

"Hermione!" Ron screamed, bolting straight up in bed. Panting, he looked about the dark room, realizing he had had another nightmare. He twisted shaking fingers up in his red hair, choking back sobs, and shutting his eyes tightly against the tears that burned his eyes. Months had passed since Hermione's death, but he relived it each night in his dreams.

Harry helplessly watched his friend struggle. As much as he missed Hermione, he knew his own pain was nothing compared to what Ron must be experiencing. This was not the first time he'd woken up to Ron's screams. It was worse when Ron didn't wake up, when Harry had to go over to him and restrain his friend's convulsing body, and hold him when Ron fell to pieces in the state between dreams and reality. "Ron?" Harry asked, not knowing what he could do, but feeling the need to try.

"I'm alright," Ron said quietly. "Go back to sleep, Harry. Sorry I woke you."

"Don't worry about it," Harry said. "You try and get some sleep too, yeah?"

"Yeah," Ron sighed, laying back down so Harry wouldn't worry. But he didn't go to sleep. He couldn't. He was afraid that if he closed his eyes, he would see it all over again. Hermione luring Nagini away from Harry, and he had arrived mere seconds too late. The only thing he could do was hold her as she died in his arms. Ron's breath came in short gasps as he tried to gain control of himself. He stared out the window of their dormitory and waited for dawn.

 _ **"We wouldn't last two days without her. Don't tell her I said that."**_

Ginny Weasley sat next to Harry at breakfast across from Ron, who stirred the food around on his plate. Ron was all too aware of their worried stares, so he took a bite every so often, though food was the last thing on his mind. Finally, their suffocating concern was more than he could stand. "I'm going for a walk," he announced.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Harry asked.

"Bloody hell, Harry! I'm not a child," he snapped. Hurt briefly flashed in Harry's eyes, and Ron immediately regretted his biting words. "I... I'll see you in class."

Harry and Ginny watched him walk away, his black robes flying behind him. "I'm worried about him," Ginny said. "He hardly ate anything! Usually he can't get enough food."

Harry nodded. Anyone with eyes could see that Ron had grown noticeably thinner lately, and dark circles constantly rimmed his friend's bloodshot eyes. He saw the fear in Ginny's expression, and took her hand under the table. "How did he sleep last night?"

"Not well," he sighed.

"Do you think... will he ever be alright?" she asked in a small voice.

"Eventually. But I'm afraid he'll never be the same Ron we once knew."

 ** _"She's gone mental, Hermione has. I mean, not that she wasn't always mental, but now it's out in the open for everyone to see!"_**

Ron found himself in front of the grand staircase that led down into the Great Hall. Looking up, he saw Hermione, the smile that he loved so much spread across her face as she gracefully made her way down the stairs in the beautiful dress she'd worn for the Yule Ball. Ron watched her, completely mesmerized. But her form grew blurrier with each step she took, disappearing when she was just within his reach.

Shaking his head, he stumbled off down the hall, passing the infirmary. Glancing into the room, he saw himself, lying in a bed after being poisoned. Hermione was protectively standing over him. Yelling at Lavender, actually. Then she sat down on the bed, taking his hand in hers. He gripped the door frame until his fingers turned white. No. This was too painful.

He moved on, finding himself in the courtyard. He saw a young Draco Malfoy, calling Hermione a mudblood. A younger version of himself tried to defend her, only to have her come rushing to his rescue when his own spell backfired on him. "Ron, are you alright?" her perfect voice rang out.

"No," he whispered, choking on the sob in his throat, "and I'm afraid I never will be again."

 ** _"You should write a book translating the mad things girls do so boys can understand them."_**

Ron walked past the herbology lab, and watched as she grabbed his hand when she was scared. How he wished he'd never let go! He crossed over the bridge, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw her running towards him. For a moment, his heart stopped, but again, she disappeared before he could reach her. He grit his teeth against the pain in his chest that had become his constant companion since the day she'd died and taken his heart with her.

He walked over the hill just in time to see Hermione punch Draco in the nose. She turned to him and smiled. _"That felt good."_

He chuckled lightly. _"It was bloody brilliant."_

She disappeared again, but this time, he felt her arms around him. Her breath was warm on his neck. He clenched his hands into fists, tightly closing his eyes, never wanting to let this feeling go. He'd take any memory he could get, whether they be good or bad. It was the only way he knew she had been real. That he had been lucky enough to be loved by her for just a short while.

 _ **"You know everything. How is it that she knows everything?"**_

In a few minutes, he was standing on the Quidditch field. Up in the stands, Hermione sat with a proud smile on her face. She waved to him, and he watched her, not allowing himself to look away until the wind swept her up and once again left him alone. He fell to his knees and cried. He was horrified by the harsh ugly sounds coming from him, but he could not get them to stop as his body convulsed with sobs. All the pain he'd been keeping bottled up inside poured out through the tears that streamed down his cheeks. He screamed in frustration, anger, and pain. Why? Why had she been taken from him? Why wasn't he able to save her? And for the love of Merlin, if she had to die, then why couldn't he have died with her? Because now the one thing in his life that truly mattered was gone.

 ** _"Where's Hermione when you need her?"_**

Ginny gasped when she saw Ron fall to his knees and cry out. She had been watching from beneath the stands, and she was about to go to him when she felt a restraining hand on her arm. "Let him be, Ginny," Harry said gently. He understood her need to comfort Ron, but he knew Ron would never begin to heal if he did not allow himself to grieve Hermione's death. "He needs this."

With a heavy sigh, Ginny turned around and wrapped her arms around Harry. She buried her face in his chest and he felt her tears soak through his shirt. He held her close to him and rested his head on top of hers. "He's in so much pain," she sniffed. "I hate seeing him like this."

"I know," Harry whispered. "I do too."

 ** _"Who cares? I mean it's sort of exciting isn't it... breaking the rules?"_**  
 ** _"Who are you and what have you done with Hermione Granger?"_**

Ron knew he was in no shape for classes today. If Hermione would've been there, she would've scolded him for not going, and he would have begged her to cover for him. Eventually she would have given in, even staying up late that night to make sure he understood the lesson. But that was before. Nothing mattered now, least of all his studies.

The nearer he got to the Gryffindor common room, the clearer her sweet laughter rang in his ears. He sprinted down the hall and into the room, half expecting to see her kneeling before the fire like she'd done so many times before. But the room was empty.

He sat on the floor, trying to remember how to breathe despite the tightness in his chest, when suddenly he heard her again. _"You've got the emotional range of a teaspoon, Ron Weasley."_

He closed his eyes and sighed. He didn't care if they threw him in a looney bin, as long as Hermione was still with him in some way, he didn't care what happened to him.

When Harry entered the dormitory after class, he found Ron in bed, fully dressed in his black robes, but asleep nonetheless. Harry breathed a sigh of relief. At least, for the moment, Ron was finally sleeping peacefully.

 ** _"You're amazing, you are!"_**  
 ** _"Always the tone of surprise."_**

"Wake up," Ron heard Hermione whisper forcefully. "Wake up, Ron!"

Ron opened his eyes to see Hermione hovering above him. "Hermione," he whispered, gently reaching up to caress her cheek. To his delight, she did not disappear. She simply smiled down at him.

A smile spread over Ron's own face, and he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her down beside him. "Ron," she squealed. "What are you doing?"

He buried his head in her neck and sighed, "I've missed you, 'Mione."

"You are such a silly little twit," she muttered.

"I've missed that too," he chuckled.

Hermione shifted so she could lay her head on his chest. He kissed her head, and with one hand he ran his fingers through her curls, his other arm wrapped tightly around her waist, because this time, he wasn't letting her go. "I meant to say you shouldn't miss me," she said, laying her hand over his heart. "I'm always right here. Your tiny ball of light, remember?"

"I remember," he whispered.

They lay together in silence for a moment, until she said, "Ginny's worried about you. So is Harry."

"I know it," he sighed. "They shouldn't be though. I'm fine."

"Liar," she whispered. "What's wrong, Ron?"

"You're not here," he said simply. "It hurts so bad 'Mione. Every night... it happens all over again. I lose you each time I close my eyes." She snuggled closer to him, and a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you."

Hermione reached out and wiped away another tear. "You saved me every day Ron. Just by loving me," she said, propping herself up on her elbow so she could look at him. "So for Heaven's sake, stop torturing yourself Ron! Don't think about that day anymore. Think about all the fun times we had together."

"Believe me," he scoffed, "I've thought of those too. I see and hear you every where I go."

She laughed. "Hearing voices no one else can hear isn't a good sign, even in the wizarding world."

"I don't care," he sighed, opening his arms back up for her. She snuggled down beside him again, and he held her tightly. "Stay with me, alright?"

"Alright," she whispered, taking one of his hands in hers.

Ron finally slept all through the night.

 ** _"Hermione, you are honestly the most wonderful person I have ever met."_**

Over the next few days, Ginny and Harry could not help but notice that Ron had started to act more like his old self again. Color had returned to his cheeks and the shadows under his eyes had nearly disappeared. And to their relief, he was eating more than he had been. There was still something missing though. The light had gone out of his eyes. He no longer smiled or laughed. Harry had been right. Ron would never be the same again.

 ** _"You're a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant... but scary."_**

"So," Ginny said at dinner, "final exams are coming up. They're the last ones you two will ever have to take. Are you ready?"

Ron shrugged. Then he saw his sister's worried expression and said, "Don't be surprised if I'm here again next year."

Ginny smiled and it was good to see. It was easier to get through the day if everyone around him stopped treating him like he was about to break. If they moved on, well, it might be easier for him to start. He looked between Harry and Ginny, and asked, "How are the wedding plans coming?"

Biting her lip, Ginny looked down at her plate. Harry cleared his throat. "We, uh, we decided to put the wedding off for a bit."

"What?" Ron asked. "What for?"

"It just doesn't feel right," Harry tried to explain gently. "What with Fred and Hermione..."

Though he tried to hide it, Harry saw Ron cringe when he mentioned her, but he quickly composed himself. "That's rubbish and you know it," Ron said. "Hermione," he said, swallowing the lump in his throat, "she would tell you both it was mental to put it off. You know how excited she was."

Harry and Ginny were momentarily stunned into silence. This was the first time Hermione had come up in a conversation since her death. They especially hadn't thought Ron would say anything about it. But he did, and now, it was suddenly real for all of them. They had to press on with their lives. Despite those who were no longer with them.

"Yeah," Harry said quietly. "She was."

"Well, on with it then," Ron said. Then, trying to put their minds at ease by acting more like his normal self, he added, "Just don't ever let me catch you snogging my little sister, whether you two are married or not."

Harry smiled, because although he knew that Ron was just putting on a brave face for those who cared about him, at least it was a start.

 ** _"But Ron was staring at Hermione as though suddenly seeing her in a whole new light."_**

Ron and Harry were studying in the Gryffindor common room, when suddenly, Ron felt something ignite deep within his chest. He didn't know how to describe it, but it was as if something within him... healed. Something that had been broken ever since Hermione's death now felt fixed.

Then, an unseen force was tugging on his body, pulling him towards the grand staircase. And he didn't know why, but he followed. He just knew he had to.

Startled by Ron's sudden departure, Harry got up and followed him. "Ron!" he called out to him time and time again, but his friend neither answered him nor did he bother to even turn his head. He caught up to him when Ron stopped at the top of the stair case. "Ron, what in the name of Merlin has gotten into you?" Harry asked, but Ron still remained silent, his blue eyes fixed on something at the bottom of the stairs in the Grand Hall. Following his gaze, Harry fell a few steps backward in shock. "Bloody hell!" he cried.

For standing just below them was the one and only, Hermione Granger.

"Harry," Ron said, his voice hardly above a whisper, "do you see her too?"

"Yeah, mate," Harry said, obviously in shock. "I see her."

Hermione smiled up at them before taking the stairs two at a time to reach her friends. Harry's heart pounded within his chest. How was this happening? Surely it was a dream, but he seriously hoped it wasn't.

For Ron, time seemed to slow down. He watched Hermione come up the stairs, her curls bouncing and the biggest smile graced her already beautiful face. Ron heard every beat of his heart thunder in his ears as he watched her get closer and closer to them. He kept waiting to wake up, for her to disappear again. It wasn't until she threw herself at him, her arms around his neck, and her warm breath tickling his skin as she breathed his name, that he knew.

Hermione Granger was alive. And for the first time since he lost her, he felt like he was too.

 ** _"Whoever you are, whoever I am... you made it right to be me."_**


End file.
